


Just Say the Words and I'll Let You In

by suckmyballs



Series: Questioning [1]
Category: South Park
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gender Issues, Genderfluid Kenny, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nonbinary Character, One Shot, Oneshot, Trans Butters, Trans Character, Trans Kenny, supportive boyfriend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:48:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27977604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suckmyballs/pseuds/suckmyballs
Summary: Butters struggles to be truthful with Kenny about what's really been on his mind lately.
Relationships: Kenny McCormick/Leopold "Butters" Stotch
Series: Questioning [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2049147
Comments: 2
Kudos: 33





	Just Say the Words and I'll Let You In

**Author's Note:**

> hi! the title of this story is from a song called, "suddenly, heartbreak in october made sense" by heder or cupofspoodles! (i love her music so much ahhhh)

“Stay here tonight.” 

“I….” Butters trailed off, turning his head away so Kenny couldn’t see the tears forming in his eyes. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Ken. My parents’ll be sore with me..” he tried to keep his tone firm, his voice from shaking, but he still managed to sound unsure. 

“You always say that, but I know it’s not what you want, Bunny,” Kenny replied as he sat up, surprising Butters with a hug from behind and ran a gentle hand through his hair, “You’re safe here with me, you know that, right?” 

A quiet whimper fell from Butters’ lips, making him cover his mouth to control himself as he weakly nodded. It didn’t take long before the river of tears fell from his eyes, leaving him to sob and whimper into his hands as he felt the embarrassment of being so vulnerable in front of Kenny eating away at him. 

“Hey, hey, don’t cry, I hate it when you cry, Bunny,” Kenny held onto him tighter, sliding his face into the crook of Butters neck and trailing soft butterfly kisses across his milky white skin. A great tremor overtook him as gut-wrenching sobs tore through his chest, making him curl in on himself even more. He breathed harshly through his tears, sniffling so often as he felt snot start to leak from his nose. 

“I can’t t-take it anymore!” he whimpered, sniffling and crying embarrassingly loud. “K-Kenny… I-I-I’m scared!” he sobbed as he turned around and buried himself against Kenny’s chest and his welcoming embrace. 

“Of what, baby?” Kenny gently asked, soothingly running his fingers through Butters’ hair and gently tucking it behind his ear. The lighter blonde just shrugged, exhaling shakily as he burrowed himself further against the other boy, allowing himself to calm down as he breathed in Kenny’s scent of must and menthols. “C’mon, you know you can tell me anything, Bunny.” 

“I-I-” he breathed harshly, pausing as he tried to think out a response. “I-I’m scared ‘cause-cause… I-I…” he couldn’t say it, he couldn’t. Kenny would leave him for sure if he knew..

“‘Cause of what?”

“I-I.. I…” Butters sat up, darting his eyes around nervously as he battled in his head whether or not he should continue. “It-It’s nothin’, f-forget about it…” he stuttered, stumbling as he pulled himself away from Kenny, and grabbed his jacket from the floor to hide himself in. 

He felt nervous and embarrassed being this vulnerable around Kenny, letting the other boy see parts of him that no one else saw. Butters wanted to be honest with him, he really did, but this was something that he had been thinking about furiously for the longest time- he wasn’t even sure he had come to terms with it himself yet. 

“Leo.. you don’t have to be scared, alright? I’d never judge you, I promise, baby.” 

“Kenny..” he mumbled as his bottom lip trembled, and he worried it between his teeth as he wiped the lingering tears from his eyes. “I just.. I don’t know how to tell you.. I’m just.. ugh!” he groaned as he put his head in his hands, gripping at his hair like a lifeline. “I don’t want you to leave me!” he cried, an involuntary whimper escaped his lips as he continued to cry, and moans escaped him through the suppressed sound of hiccups.

“Wha… What do you mean?” Kenny asked as he carefully walked towards him, reaching out to cup his cheek, “I’d never leave you, Bunny. You’re my whole world.” 

“A-Are you sure? I-I mean, we-we’re so young, Ken, w-we don’t-don’t.. we d-don’t know w-what’s gonna happen..”

“Maybe,” Kenny answered bluntly, “But right now, I love you  _ so fucking much _ that I can’t even imagine my world without you, babe. I know you’ve been stressed lately, but all I want to do is help you. I want to take the burden off your shoulders so you can just be happy… It hurts me to see you hurt, Leo.” 

Butters just stared at him wide eyed for a moment, feeling an unexplainable sense of relief from hearing Kenny’s words. It made him just calm down a bit, let him think rationally over how he should put his troubles into words. For a while it was silent between them, filled with Butters quiet sniffles and hiccups as he stopped crying, and Kenny allowed him the space to do so. 

“Kenny..” Butters broke the silence, his voice trembling, and his eyes downcast toward the floor as he wiggled his toes in his discomfort. “I.. I have to tell you so-somethin’... a-and I get it if-if.. I-I would understand if you d-didn’t like me any-anymore..” just saying that made him tear up a little, and he quickly covered his mouth with his hand as he tried so hard to control his cries. 

“Okay… It's… You didn’t do anything bad, right…?” 

“N-No! Of course not!” Butters exclaimed, “It’s just.. It’s about  _ me. _ ” he said as he pointed at himself, quickly dropping his hand and holding it against his chest as he breathed deeply. “Kenny.. I… I’ve been thinkin’ about things lately… like, m-my.. gen-gender, I mean…”

“Okay..” 

“A-And.. I.. I’ve been- I’ve been thinkin’ a lot.. a-and.. I think I’m.. non-binary…”

“Cool, same here, baby.” 

“And I know you probably think it’s weird but-” Butters stopped himself, looking up at Kenny with wide eyes, “Wh-What?” 

“I mean, I’ve been kind of thinking about stuff too. I mean, I don’t really know what I am exactly either, Bunny. I just.. exist, I dunno..” Kenny shrugged, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. 

“You-You too? You’re-You’re…”

“I dunno… gender-fluid’s probably the term, but I don’t really care about labels. I mean, I’m mostly a dude. Nothing’s really different, I just go by anything. It’s not something you have to be scared about, baby. Even if I wasn’t fluid, I’d still love you all the same.” 

Kenny was close now, cupping his cheek and rubbing it gently with his thumb. Butters leaned into his touch, closing his eyes for a moment in the warmth, but then looked at Kenny with a soft smile. 

“We’ll figure it out together, ‘kay?” Kenny whispered softly, and Butters just gently nodded his head, putting a hand over the one on his cheek and squeezing it warmly. 

“I love you, Kenny..”

“I love you too, Bunny.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I hope you liked this! I know that it probably wasn't all that great, but I've been struggling with questioning my gender lately and what the hell im supposed to be. And to other people in the same boat, I just want you to know that you're not alone, and it's completely okay to not be sure of yourself just yet!
> 
> Pls use the comments to just vent about issues you've been having related to your identity or whatever you need to get off your chest! I luv u all! <3


End file.
